Not Your Average Couch Crumb

I have been betrayed.

And by one I trusted like none other, no less:

my couch.

The very same couch that my husband and I so lovingly chose from the discount furniture warehouse last year because it was on such a super duper special.  The very same couch we brought home with our own four hands and a friend with a moving truck.  The very same couch we sit in every night to talk, watch the news, read our Bibles, and plan our thrift store.

That very one.

I am aghast.

How, couch?  How could you do this to me?!

It is beyond comprehension.

Even further beyond comprehension is this: there have been absolutely, positively NO signs of repentance on the part of said couch.  None.  Zip.  Nada. ZEE-ROW.

I have cajoled.  I have reprimanded.  I have enlightened.   I have shaken.  I have beaten.  I have pleaded on hands and knees.

Zip.  Nada.  ZEE-ROW.

Must I cast you in the burning lake of fire, couch?  Must I?!

I warn you: no amount of lifetime warranty will save you there, neither microfiber, neither reclining seats!

Repent, o couch, repent before it is too late!!  Turn from your evil ways, and give me back my husband’s wedding ring!!!!!!!

(How the prophets avoided the use of multiple exclamation points, I don’t even know.)

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  1. #1 by Miriam on February 1, 2011 - 3:38 pm

    Oh no!!!

  2. #2 by Tierney on February 1, 2011 - 3:39 pm

    Augh! What a terrible couch!! Have you tried an exorcism? Or perhaps threatening it with hot oil or a seam ripper?

    • #3 by Cristy on February 1, 2011 - 3:51 pm

      ahhhHA! Great ideas. I’m sure it will come around.

  3. #4 by Angela on February 1, 2011 - 7:13 pm

    did i miss something? what did it do?

  4. #7 by Diane Dykstra on February 1, 2011 - 11:23 pm

    Are you positive the ring is in the couch? Ken lost his irrigating the first month we were married I was devastated he said he didn’t see the point in men wearing rings anyway and has since lost one more…..I bought a third one but alas this is the last one, this one gets lost his wedding finger will remain forever bare……

    • #8 by Angela Starosta on February 3, 2011 - 8:33 am

      I know a guy who kept loosing his, so he got a tattoo. I’ve never seen my dad wear his. He’s a mechanic & its dangerous, then his hands grew too big for it anyways but since he never wore it there was no point in replacing it.

  5. #9 by joannamv on February 2, 2011 - 12:56 pm

    o.O

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