I have been betrayed.
And by one I trusted like none other, no less:
The very same couch that my husband and I so lovingly chose from the discount furniture warehouse last year because it was on such a super duper special. The very same couch we brought home with our own four hands and a friend with a moving truck. The very same couch we sit in every night to talk, watch the news, read our Bibles, and plan our thrift store.
That very one.
I am aghast.
How, couch? How could you do this to me?!
It is beyond comprehension.
Even further beyond comprehension is this: there have been absolutely, positively NO signs of repentance on the part of said couch. None. Zip. Nada. ZEE-ROW.
I have cajoled. I have reprimanded. I have enlightened. I have shaken. I have beaten. I have pleaded on hands and knees.
Zip. Nada. ZEE-ROW.
Must I cast you in the burning lake of fire, couch? Must I?!
I warn you: no amount of lifetime warranty will save you there, neither microfiber, neither reclining seats!
Repent, o couch, repent before it is too late!! Turn from your evil ways, and give me back my husband’s wedding ring!!!!!!!
(How the prophets avoided the use of multiple exclamation points, I don’t even know.)