Hello, my name is Cristy, and I’m having an affair with my computer.
Okay, well, maybe it’s not quite as bad as it sounds. Maybe its less like an affair and more like issues. Hi, I’m Cristy, and my computer and I have issues.
Our relationship–it’s complicated.
Allow me to elaborate:
Issue Number One: Time Wasting
The main problem that my computer and I are having seems to be this: despite the excessively large amounts of time we spend together every single day, between the two of us we have accomplished approximately nothing. Talk about a recipe for a happy, fulfilled, productive, meaningful, and successful life. (Talk about flushing the prime years of your life down the proverbial toilet).
Issue Number Two: Wireless Internet Radio Waves of Death
True confession of the delinquent housewife who inhabits my very own body and answers to the same name as me: for months and months now, I have resolved to do something about our wireless internet connection–as in, disable it. For months and months, I’ve put it off. That means that for months and months now, my husband and I have been subject to the Wireless Internet Radio Waves of Death. Oh, the shame and guilt are too much for me to bear.
Issue Number Three: Increasing Occurrence of Migraines
Most probably linked to Issues One and Two above.
Well, my friends, I am admitting these issues to you today and taking three huge strides toward future health and peace of mind.
Stride Number One: Relocate The Computer
Now, instead lounging seductively on the couch, beckoning me with every passing glance, the computer is hedged in behind (by a wall) and before (by a hard backed chair extremely askance to slouching) and underneath (by an antique white and gold vanity top).
Stride Number Two: Relocate the Computer Desk
Once I relegated the computer to a desk to encourage us to use our time together in a more focused, productive manner (affairs ((I mean, er, issues)) are so hard to carry on in a hard backed desk chair), I relegated the desk to a nook in the corner of our den–conveniently located immediately to the left of a telephone jack. Since the computer will no longer be traveling with me and since I have absolutely no wish to eliminate Tim from the picture–I pulled the plug on the Wireless Waves of Death and attached my computer to the internet via the proverbial ball and chain (otherwise known as an internet cord).
Stride Number Three: Drink More Milk
Just in case those headaches are more actually related to fluctuating blood sugars or dehydration.