Exactly one year ago this month, I received a Costco coupon book in the mail.
I somehow managed to make a trip amid working, closing on a house, and keeping Tim happy. Wonders never cease.
I am still using 4 of the things I purchased (with coupons) while there:
1) Dishwasher Detergent
2) Laundry Detergent
3) Toilet Bowl Cleaner
4) Dove Shampoo and Conditioner
(Just goes to show how often I clean the toilet.)
For the record, I am glad not to have bought 1) Dishwasher Detergent, 2) Laundry Detergent, and 3) Toilet Bowl Cleaner in a whole year. Ladies, it’s been nice doing (cleaning) business with you. I’ve enjoyed it. Truly, I have.
And then there’s Dove.
Dove, I’ve used your barsoap since I was a wee thing, and I will use it until the day I die.
But I hate your shampoo and conditioner.
It is the bane of my existence.
Pretty much everything bad that has ever happened to me this entire year can be traced back to the two green bottles of your cucumber slime hunkered out in my shower.
The green bottles of Beelzebub, I like to call them…because just like the ol’ devil himself, I try and try and TRY but I cannot rid myself of them. And I am here today to tell you that at the cross, Jesus won my battle with Satan. That B-bub’s a goner, man. But Jesus forgot to crush the head of my Dove Moisture Therapy while He was at it.
For real, I feel like the widow with the endless pitcher of oil–except I’m not a widow and my endless supply comes out of a salon pump. I have done everything I can think of. Absolutely everything. I use two squirts instead of one with every shower. I *accidentally* over squirt and miss my hand sometimes. I buried T’s manly-smelling All-in-One deep in a pile of feminine hygiene products so he’ll have to use mine. I use shampoo instead of body wash. I shampoo the carpet in my car. I shampoo stray neighbor hood cats. Tim and I have shampoo wars at every opportunity. I make Tim shave with shampoo lather. Even still…the bottle isn’t even half gone.
Why couldn’t they have been two huge, never ending bottles of mint dark chocolate ice cream, Dove? Why? Whyyyyyyyy?!?!
Dear Reader, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Throw them away!” In fact, you might even be screaming it.
Here’s the thing: I can’t.
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.
I can oversquirt and overuse and whine and complain and threaten until I’m oily in the hair blue in the face.
Thus far, and no farther.
While there is life and breath left in me (and my shampoo bottle), I will never, ever throw away anything that has even the smallest potential of usefulness.
Waste not, want not. That’s my motto…even when it means waste not what I want not.
Here I stand. I can do no other.
[Tim would just like me to tell you that he has never shaved with shampoo lather, nor used anything but his own manly smelling shampoo, neither.]