Are you smarter?

Are you smarter than a 5th garder?

(Sample questions from the test I’m giving on Monday)

Do you know what the distinguishing attributes of amphibians are?  Reptiles?  Mammals?

Can you list 4 of the 11 organ systems of the body, what they do, and at least 1 organ they each use to do it?

Can you define carapace, plastron, organ, herbivore, omnivore, carnivore, terrestrial, fossil, biped, quadriped, and ruminant?

Can you sort the following into reptile, amphibian, or mammal:  alligator, kangaroo, lizard, bear, snake, frog, turtle, cat, human, bat?

Are you smarter than a 5th grade teacher?

(Sample questions from the curious students I teach)

Did dinosaurs get tooth decay?

Why do tigers have stripes?

Why is a platypus a mammal if it lays eggs?

How long are the intestines put together?

How do Chameleons change color?

How do frogs ribbit?

How many teeth to crocodiles have?

What is the biggest frog in the world?

Do all mammals have fingers and toes?

How long can mammals hold their breath?

((What I would do without google, I don’t even know.))

The Garden of Eatin’

Being a Colorado girl myself, and having a firmly instilled frost date of May 15, it remains a source of constant surprise and delight to my soul that February (yes, February) is when green thumbed Richmonders begin to plant their gardens.

Excuse me while I swoon.

In February in Colorado, we were still busy ice skating and snow tubing.

In February in Richmond, spring is right around the corner.

Take last week for example: the thermometer read above 50 degrees F every day.  Substantially above 50, in some cases.

With that in mind, can you blame me for jumping on the garden-frenzy band wagon?  No, you cannot.  Neither can I.  Which is how I found myself trotting around the yard several afternoons of late brewing up trashcans full of compost and upturning rows of dark brown dirt.

I should stop at this point and inform you that by “upturning rows of dark brown dirt”, I am speaking of the old fashioned hand-to-pitchfork method as opposed to the newfangled notion of rototilleration that has sprung up among so many.

This becomes significant in light of how sore my back is right now and how little progress I’ve made on upturning the soil in my garden plot.  But we’ll get to that later.

No, actually, as a matter of fact, let’s talk about it now: my back is stiff and sore from hours of back-stiffing-and-soring labor, and I have progressed at such a great rate through my grassy yard that the upturned area now rivals a baby blanket in size.  Furthermore, in addition to such astounding success, I am developing biceps of steel.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Let me back up and start at the beginning.

Three Christmases ago, mere weeks after my enchanted engagement to the love of my life, my delightful and insightful siblings gifted me with a beautiful red pitchfork.

It was a real beauty, this red pitchfork.

Of such pitchforks, dreams are made.

Two summers ago, mere months prior to my marvelous marriage to the live of my life, said pitchfork broke ground on a little tiny garden in Tim’s grandfather’s backyard.

It was a real beauty, this little garden.  It grew and prospered and began to bear fruit.  And just as we were about to reap the glorious firstfruits….the very thoughtful and generous neighbor accidentally mowed it.

Last summer, the pitchfork again made an appearance…this time in our very own backyard.  It faithfully upturned a small plot, which was then planted with such delicacies as tomatoes, peppers, chiles, spinach, carrots, herbs, etc–and then diligently weeded, nursed, and cajoled only to be pretty much fried by the hot-hot sun.  I’m pretty sure I harvested 8 lettuce leaves and 2 snap peas…total…before the whole thing proverbially scorched.  Went up in smoke.  Burnt to a crisp.  Withered to dust and ashes.  Etc. 

But now it’s this year.  And this year, my friends, will be different.

For one, I moved my plot to the front yard, where I think it will be less likely to be trompled, mowed, stomped, or fried.

Second, I’ve made the difficult decision to use *gasp* house water in the event of a drought emergency.

Finally, my very own beloved greenhouse that I’ve been working at for the last three weeks is going to grow my starts for me.  Which means they’ll begin life with a much better chance of survival than previous seedlings have enjoyed in my windowsill.  Thanks, Greenhouse!

In light of all these things and more, I’ve been digging away out there like a possessed mole.  Or vole.  Or whatever dirt digging creature it is that owls eat and then barf back up for enterprising 4th graders to analyze in science class (guess what lucky class learned about digestion today?).

I’ll keep you posted as to my trusty red pitchfork’s progress, as well as update periodically on how, where, when, and what I plan to plant.

But I will tell you this now:

I’m pretty much all about counting my tomatoes before they’re ripe.  And tasting them, too, while I’m at it.  And boy, is it going to be one yummy summer.

Daily Triumphs

1. I started 2 Peter: I’ve been slowly working my way backwards through the New Testament, and have so far managed to complete Revelation, Jude, and the Johns.   Someday soon I hope to post some thoughts on each book.  But we’ll see.
2. I learned a new skill: how to professionally water strawberry plants.  (I didn’t say it was a difficult skill, just a new one.)
3. I was needed: by a greenhouse.  I spent most of today planting Impatiens.  It was glorious.
4. I spoke Spanish: for the first time since college, and to a real live Hispanic (or 3) no less.  Perhaps I’ll work up my courage to talk even more tomorrow.
5. I nursed my poor sick hubby back to health: he came home from work yesterday with a fever, some achy bones, and a big ol’ sleep deficit.  I lovingly ordered him off to bed, fed him orange juice, boiled eggs, and Tylenol, wrapped him in a big quilt, and tiptoed through the house for about the next twelve hours.  He woke up almost as good as new.
6. I graded 3 weeks worth of science homework: how did I become such a procrastinator?!
7. I got a free credit report, and it all looked good: I realized yesterday (with panic) that a W-2 form of mine is lost in the mail…full name, address, social security number, and everything.  If this ever happens to you, you can place a fraud alert on your credit account through any of the three major credit bureaus (I did mine online), who will then notify the telephone number you provide anytime someone tries to do anything to your account.  Then you can request a free credit report just to make sure something hasn’t already slipped under the wire.  I’m so thankful to have evaded the identity thieves so far!
8. I didn’t get any bills in the mail: enough said.
9. I’m spending the evening in fleece pajama pants: they’re red.  And bright.  And cheery. 
10. Spring has sprung: today the thermometer topped 70.

Kitchen Magic

The good old college days: when the boys cooked us breakfast over a campfire. How times have changed! (Actually, Tim does still make me breakfast every so often.)

A madly skilled kitchen fiend whirled through our kitchen yesterday, and here’s what she left behind: THE best meatloaf I have ever tasted, an amazingly simple new kitchen trick that’s cheap and healthy, and a product review.

To wit:

Double Cheese Meat Roll (courtesy of one of my favorite church cookbooks ever ((3rd Presbyterian of Richmond)), the knowledge and possession of which I credit to the amazing Ames family ((Thanks, guys!!)))
1 1/2 lbs ground beef
1 egg
3/4 cup cracker meal, bread crumbs, or wheat bran (I used wheat bran)
1 8 oz can tomato sauce, divided (I used spaghetti sauce)
1 tsp seasoned salt
1 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp pepper
3/4 cup mozzarella cheese
3/4 cup cheddar cheese
Combine ground beef, egg, crumbs, 1/2 tomato sauce, and seasonings.  Mix well and shape into a flat rectangle on a sheet of waxed paper (I didn’t have wax paper, so I flattened mine on a cutting board).  Sprinkle the grated mozzarella and cheddar cheeses over the meat mixture.  Roll up like a jelly roll and press ends of roll to seal.  Bake in a loaf pan for 50 minutes at 350.  Top with remaining tomato sauce, bake 15 minutes more.  Serves 6. 

Seriously, this meat loaf was super uber tasty.  And not that hard!  The cheese made the meat so moist and flavorful.  YUM.  Definitely a new family favorite.  I served it with baked potatoes (more on those in a minute), steamed mixed veggies, and applesauce.

Vegetable Broth
For 25 years (okay, maybe not quite), I have been boiling frozen vegetables and pouring off the excess water…right down the drain.  And for 25 years, I’ve cringed just a bit inside.  I mean, who hasn’t read those articles about how vitamin rich that waste water is?  I’ve known people who drink the extra fluid for health benefits, and believe me, I’ve tried it.  NOT my thing.  Solution: drain that extra vegetable stock into a glass canning jar (or any empty container) and stick it in the fridge!  It will keep for weeks…and you can add it to soups, use it to cook rice or pasta, make gravy with it, and generally substitute it for water in almost any dinner cooking.  Seriously, this is revolutionary.  No more store bought broth!  No more wasted nutrients!  How has it taken me so long to figure out something so simple?!  Excuse me while I go bang my head against a wall.

Schwan’s #851
If you are a Schwan’s person (I am not, but Pop is), may I humbly recommend Schwan’s #851 Roasted Baby Bakers.  It’s a bag of cute little potatoes that have been pre-seasoned and baked.  All you gotta do is heat ’em up.  And they are great.  Especially with Double Cheese Meatloaf (recipe above).  Not too seasoned.  Not too greasy.  Not too messy.  I have no idea how much they cost.  I’m sure making your own roasted baby bakers is much, much cheaper.  But since I don’t usually like pre-prepared food, I thought this one was worth sharing.

There you have it!  Various and sundry magic tricks for the cook.  Have you hit the nail on the head in your kitchen  lately?  Do tell!

How To Make A [Fake] Cloth Tape

or A Picture Tutorial In Honor of My Missing Camera Cord

The Latest

And now, an update:

I wore my fingers to the bone cleaning.  Not really.  But I’m quite impressed with myself, nonetheless.  Here’s what I did:

• Got dressed
• Organized and straightened the linen closet, including my cache of stockpiled health and beauty items
• Put away the clutter on my bathroom sink, the clutter on my dressers, and the clutter scattered all over my bedroom floor (Clutter?  My middle name?  Why do you ask?!)
• Made a magazine rack out of an old cheerio box (to help contain said bathroom reading material clutter) ((thanks, Gretchen, for the great idea!))
• Put away my clean laundry
• Scrubbed the master bathroom sink, shower, toilet, and floor
• Scrubbed Pop’s bathroom sink, tub, toilet, and floor
• Emptied bathroom trash x 2
• Shook out all bathroom rugs
• Dusted bedroom furniture
• Made bed
• Vacuumed dust bunnies from bedroom baseboard, under dressers, under bed, and generally every corner of the bedroom universe
• Swept the bedroom floor, the hall, and the stairs
• Scrubbed the said bedroom floor, hall, and stairs with Murphy’s Oil Soap (oh, the shine)
• Windexed the bathroom mirrors
• Cleaned kitchen table and all six kitchen chairs with said Oil Soap
• Washed table centerpiece items (coasters, hot plates, salt and pepper shakers)
• Removed and stored table leaf
• Recycled 5 phone books
• Called Tim for a 5 minute pick-me-up (nothing works better)
• Played the piano (another quick relaxant)
• Made a huge pot of chicken chili for supper tonight and to bring to an event this weekend
• Planned my science lesson (on bones and muscles) for Monday
• Burned a couple of candles to help minimize the clean smell

Pop added to the general cleaning flurry by doing his laundry and vacuuming his room.

How this house can contain all this cleaning energy, I don’t even know.

Here’s what I didn’t get done:

• Take out the trash (I’m pretty sure Tim’ll do it for the exorbitant price of a good long kiss)
• Cleaned/organized the bedroom closets and dressers (that’s the one thing upstairs that I didn’t all the way finish.  But at least it’s behind closed d(rawe)oors
• Grading (maybe I can squeeze this in Monday morning?)
• Make granola (no big deal, though.  We can always starve tomorrow.  Or eat oatmeal for the third morning in a row.  Or something.)
• Make phone calls (if I owe you a call ((you know who you are)), I really, really, really WILL call you back soon.  I hope.)
• Read the Bible (but we did read at breakfast ((something by Charles Spurgeon)) and I sang a few hymns as I played)
• Much of anything downstairs other than the kitchen table (I still need to sweep, mop, vacuum, dust, sort, organize, and generally do everything I did to the upstairs downstairs)
• Write any of the fifty bajillion blog posts bouncing around in my brain (sorry, blog.  Don’t hate me.  I promise to get to you eventually)

Hopefully my motivation will extend into next week, and I can actually have the whole house clean AT ONE TIME!!  That’s never happened before.  If I do, I promise to post a long-overdue house tour for all those who have never come to visit (please!  come visit!). 

It’s a great feeling to sit here with sore arms and sore feet and sore shoulders and a sore back…and a long list of things accomplished.  Probably because it’s such a rare achievement for me.  I better enjoy it while I can…because I’m sure things will be back to normal (read: messy) far too soon!

P.S. My hands stink.

Mumbo Jumbo

Playing catch-up today, which may or may not involve blogging a bit later on.  It depends on if I can accomplish my mission: to whip this house into shape!  Even though it snowed this morning (a mere light dusting), spring is still on the way.  I know it is.  It has to be.  Spring cleaning, here I come! 

Aforementioned whipping may involve any/all of the following (the sky’s the limit!): sorting, debating, trashing, regretting, untrashing, organizing, rearranging, painting, baking, cleaning, dusting (GASP, my leeeeeeeeeeeeast favorite chore), scrubbing, discovering, getting distracted, and collapsing in a heap on the couch to read a book I just borrowed from my pastor’s wife: Aunt Jane’s Hero by Elizabeth Prentiss. 

Shout out to me for getting all the laundry done and folded yesterday.  And for having leftovers enough to cover all of today’s meals.  Such things are essential to a spring cleaning splurge’s success.

But I might want to get dressed first.

Made To Differ

Published in The Sovereign Grace Messenger/Winter 2011.

What distinguishes a Christian woman from the world?

Looks.  I’m nearly sure of it.  Christian women boast less makeup, fewer piercings and tattoos, longer skirts, milder perfume, a higher neckline, and more natural glow than their secular counterparts.  And they let their hair go gray to boot.

Actually, no, wait—maybe I’ve got it all wrong.  I think maybe the real difference lies more in the area of domestic accomplishment.  A Christian woman is neat and organized.  She charts out a life plan and sticks to it.  She exercises every day and buys organic milk.  She just loves company.  She blogs, coupons, and home schools all ten of her children.  She cooks three meals a day and makes her own laundry detergent…from scratch.  She is a member of the tennis club, leads a girl scout troup, and hosts a women’s Bible study every Tuesday afternoon. 

Oh-oh-oh, STOP.  Now I’m sure I’ve really got the answer: virtue.  That’s the key, ladies, to letting your light shine in this dark world.  Read your Bible twice a day, pray through the bulletin prayer list, volunteer at the local crisis pregnancy center, teach Sunday school, carve room in your home and heart for your aging in-laws, smile, put others first, stay married, say grace, never miss church, donate to charity, save your virginity for your wedding night, don’t get drunk, never ever use a four-letter-word, point your children down the straight and narrow, keep your gossip to a bare minimum, and avoid all R rated movies.  Yessirree, that will definitely put you pretty much miles ahead of anyone else in your office, play group, or country club…and maybe even church, too.  

Are you shaking your head and thinking I don’t know where in the world the editor dug this girl up, but she’s off her rocker!?  Well, you may be right…but at least this time, there’s a method to my madness.  Here’s my point, over-exaggerated though it may be: I’m afraid that all too often we Christians try to distinguish ourselves from those around us using the wrong criteria. 

Maybe it’s just me, but when I first began thinking about how Christian women differ from the world, my mind went right to external distinctives.  After all, that’s what fits with my experiences.  In my interactions with the secular community, I’ve discovered that I have a very different approach to marriage, family, recreation, politics, authority, etc. than most of my non-Christian peers.  Sometimes it feels like I’ve had more than my share of aghast looks from people who cannot fathom chastity before (and during) marriage, the respect and submission I endeavor to give my husband, my commitment to our marriage’s permanence and importance…not to mention where I spend my Sunday mornings, what I drink when I’m out with the girls, my word choices, my reading material, my idea of a fun weekend, my theories on child raising, and the list of movies I’ve (purposefully) never seen.  Yes, in my experience, these are the things that set me apart from the world.  These are the things that coworkers, neighbors, and friends notice and comment on.  This is the difference between “us” (Christian women) and “them” (the world).

Can you relate?  It’s true that many of the behaviors I’ve discussed so far can be good and appropriate and glorifying to God in the right context.  We are commanded in Scripture to act differently than those around us who do not know and love Jesus Christ.  But I would argue that although these actions may make us stand out from our contemporaries, they are not primarily what set us apart from our secular peers.

Did you know that there is a word used in Scripture that literally means “set apart”?  That word is “saint”.  What is it, exactly, that makes Christians saints?  Is it our good works?  Is it?!  Well, just in case you don’t already know the answer to that question, let’s do a little Scriptural exploration.

1 Corinthians 4:7
For who maketh thee to differ from another?  and what hast thou that thou didst not receive?  now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory as if thou hadst not received it?

The church at Corinth had some problems, and one of them was pride (they were “puffed up for one against another”—vs 6) in their own righteous achievements.  Paul has to remind them (and us) that a Christian has no room to boast except in Christ, for any praiseworthy thing we see in ourselves is a gift from Him.  If this is true within the church—that we are distinguished one from another only by the grace of God–how much more true for a Christian in relation to the lost!  We differ from the world not because of anything in us, but because of what we have received from God [1 Corinthians 6:9-11 specifically addresses the difference between ‘saints’ (vs 2) and ‘unbelievers’ (vs 6) and again places all the emphasis on God’s work and none on our own merit]!

What is this gift that God has given?  What exactly have we received from His hand to make us differ one from another?

Ephesians 2:8-10
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

For most of us, these very familiar verses teach a very familiar concept—so familiar, in fact, that we sometimes forget how important and precious it is: salvation by grace alone through faith alone.  Both the salvation and the faith are gifts of a gracious God.  It is this saving faith we’ve received from Him that sets us apart from the world, and we’re clearly taught here that He gives it to us not because of anything we do to deserve His favor, but simply because He has chosen to recreate us in Christ Jesus. 

Is there then any room for our boasting?  No.  Our pride (and trust!) in our own accomplishments is excluded in our Savior.  Christ Jesus (and Christ Jesus alone) sets us apart from the world, and all we can do is fall to our knees before Him in overwhelmed, mystified gratitude. 

Luke 18:11-13
The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are…I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I possess.  And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.

As you and I meditate on these words of our Lord Jesus concerning the Pharisee and the publican, perhaps we can begin to understand the problem with living as if external distinctives are what really matter.  When we do so, we’ve completely missed the point of the gospel.  The key difference between “us” and “them”–what really makes a Christian woman a Christian woman–is not our own personal holiness.  It’s not the lives we live and the choices we make and the priorities we set and the activities we participate in that set us apart from the world.  Let’s be honest with ourselves, ladies.  Let’s not glory in our own righteousness.  Let’s not give pride any room in our hearts.  Let’s not leave the unbelieving world with the impression that we’re heaven bound merely because we’re such good people.  Let’s not widen the gap between “us” and “them” because “they” do things “we” would never think to participate in.  With the English Reformer John Bradford, let us always remember that it is exactly there (yes, right there where our coworkers, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, leaders, and family are) but for the grace of God go we.  Oh, praise the Lord that He loves such sinners as us! 

Finally, since we’ve established that it is first and foremost God’s mercy and grace in Christ that distinguishes us from the world (and not our own personal holiness), let’s return to some of those ‘external distinctives’.  Our lives as the people of Christ should set us apart from the world.  We should look and act and talk differently.  But now we know that this is not the meat of our Christian life—it is the fruit of being set apart by God’s wondrous gift.

With that in mind, here are just a few (and I really do mean few of many!) precious privileges that are unique to the children of God and should impact the way we live:

Our Model–Philippians 2:1-11
“He that saith he abideth in him [Christ] ought himself also so to walk even as he [Christ] walked” (1 John 2:6).  In the Biblical record of Christ’s life on this earth, we have an example after which we can pattern our lives.  We can ask in the most reverent sense “What would Jesus do?”  And we can know that it is not our own strength that enables us to follow in His footsteps, but we are made like Him only as He lives and works in us.

Our Weapons—Ephesians 6:10-18
Sin is a reality that we all face every single day.  But God has not left His own defenseless against Satan’s attacks!  Rather, He arms us with many weapons: the Holy Spirit, the Bible, prayer, faith, salvation, the gospel, obedience, and truth–just to name a few.  If a soldier entered battle unarmed and defenseless, we would think him beyond stupid and we would expect his immediate death.  Yet all too often we think we can face our daily battles without the aid of God’s strength or His armor! Every one of us is engaged in the war against sin, and we each know the struggles and temptations of our own particular battles.   But we are not fighting alone!  Christ is our Warrior, and He has already defeated our enemy.   May He give us grace to abide in His protection and to take advantage of the means He provides to overcome sin.

Our Perspective—1 Corinthians 2:9-16
The world sees reality through the lens of physical sight, but we who are Christ’s are given new eyes and a new mind—the eyes and the mind of our Lord—with which we discern a new reality: the spiritual reality that is taught us by Christ’s Spirit.  This opens up vast stores of comfort and hope for us in the nitty-gritty details of our lives.  Are you a mother of small children feeling overwhelmed and insignificant?  In God’s eyes, the unnoticed work you do each day is inestimably valuable (Proverbs 31:10, 27-31).  Is your marriage a daily burden?  You are so precious to your Heavenly Groom (1 Peter 3:1-6).  Is your relationship with your parents seemingly broken beyond repair?  The love of your Heavenly Father will never fail (Isaiah 49:15-16).  Have your children forsaken the faith?  Jesus wept over lost Jerusalem (Luke 19:41-42).  Are you lonely?  Jesus was betrayed and forsaken by all men, but He knew He was not alone (John 16:32). Are you struggling to forgive?  Oh, meditate on the cost and depth of Christ’s forgiveness of us (Ephesians 4:31-5:2). Is your own death looming uncomfortably near?  Paul wishes that his were nearer (Philippians 1:21).  Have you buried a parent, spouse, or a child?  Christ can repay out of His own fullness all that He takes from us in this life (Romans 11:33; 1 Corinthians 2:9). 

Our Goal—Matthew 25:1-13; Revelation 19:1-22:21
Jesus once told of ten virgins waiting for their bridegroom.  Remember that story?  Only the women who were ready to meet their groom when he came were taken in with him to the marriage.  The other women—the foolish virgins who were not prepared for his coming—were shut out of the great celebration. 

Women of God, this is our goal: the marriage feast of the lamb.  We want to be among the five wise virgins who are ready when the Bridegroom (Christ) comes, that we may enter with Him to the marriage.  Any preparations we must make, any indignities we must suffer, any persecution or trial or discouragement or wait we must endure here in this life–no matter what it entails–is worth eternity with Christ.  “For I reckon,” writes Paul, “that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18).  What a hope!  What a future!  What a goal.  The Spirit and the bride say, Come (Rev 22:17), so let those who are athirst press on toward the prize of our Beloved Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:12-14), for blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb (Rev 19:9)!

I pray that this article encourages you in your sojourn toward heaven to remember by what grace you stand and to live in a way that proclaims to the world the one difference that really matters.  Truly what glorious and unsearchable riches belong to us in Christ Jesus (Psalm 45:13; Ephesians 3:8)!  Maybe you already walk always in the light of the great and undeserved blessing of His love.  Maybe your head knew the reality of these wonderful things, but your heart just needed a little reminder.  Or maybe as you read of the marks of God’s grace to unworthy sinners, you realized that perhaps you’re not set apart from the world in this way.  You may (or may not) have your act together, you may glory in all the good things you do in the name of God or Love or Reputation—but you’ve never learned to cry “God, be merciful to me, a sinner”.  Oh, precious sister!  You bear the image of the God who created you.  Don’t rest in your own good works, but surrender yourself to Christ!  Don’t be shut out of the eternal feast of His love, but believe that His death on the cross was for you, that He might bear the offense of even your best acts on Himself and reconcile you to God on the basis of His righteousness and His alone!

Echo Lake Park in Glen Allen, VA

Once upon a time two people lived in a house in town.  They ate a lot and never got enough exercise.  Especially in the winter.

Lucky for them, they lived in a town with parks.

And by parks, we really do mean parks.

There’s Byrd Park and Bryan Park, Maymont Park, Dorey Park, The Battlefield Parks, Pocahontas State Park, and the Riverwalk Park…just to name a few.

These parks were good quality parks, too–not nearly on the level of steep mountains or wild forest, of course, but very much preferable to pavement or cubicles.

And so one cold day, they ventured out to Echo Lake Park in Glen Allen–a mere 6 minute drive from their house in town where they eat alot and never get enough exercise.  Especially in the winter.

In twice circumnavigating the lake, here is what they saw:

A nice walking path.

Plus a boardwalk or two.

A lake that echoed.

Sunshine bouncing off a thin layer of ice.

Two beautiful (though noisy) water fountains.

Some trees.

Some ducks.

A park bench.

And their own breath.  Not to mention the fountain’s.

After their walk, the two people who never get enough exercise especially in the winter climbed back in their car and drove back to their house in town…much happier and healthier and hungrier than when they’d left.

The End.

Not Your Average Couch Crumb

I have been betrayed.

And by one I trusted like none other, no less:

my couch.

The very same couch that my husband and I so lovingly chose from the discount furniture warehouse last year because it was on such a super duper special.  The very same couch we brought home with our own four hands and a friend with a moving truck.  The very same couch we sit in every night to talk, watch the news, read our Bibles, and plan our thrift store.

That very one.

I am aghast.

How, couch?  How could you do this to me?!

It is beyond comprehension.

Even further beyond comprehension is this: there have been absolutely, positively NO signs of repentance on the part of said couch.  None.  Zip.  Nada. ZEE-ROW.

I have cajoled.  I have reprimanded.  I have enlightened.   I have shaken.  I have beaten.  I have pleaded on hands and knees.

Zip.  Nada.  ZEE-ROW.

Must I cast you in the burning lake of fire, couch?  Must I?!

I warn you: no amount of lifetime warranty will save you there, neither microfiber, neither reclining seats!

Repent, o couch, repent before it is too late!!  Turn from your evil ways, and give me back my husband’s wedding ring!!!!!!!

(How the prophets avoided the use of multiple exclamation points, I don’t even know.)